US team's kick-ass logo

I must agree with Andy Jackson: the US team logo rocks, but the US team does not.

An evening stroll

As many of my loyal readers know — especially those whom I invited to Kushibo 2006 in April — I live not far from Seoul Station in an area just outside where the "downtown area" ends on the map.

So last night, wishing to enjoy the balmy weather, I decided to take my evening constitutional through the central part of the city, as I am wont to do some evenings. There was a light breeze, and others were out and about for a stroll as well.

Much to my surprise, on the strip of boulevard between Namdaemun Gate and City Hall, the roads were blocked off and I began to encounter more and more people: a veritable throng. As I walked along, the throng became a horde, and the horde eventually became a mob. There were tens of thousands of people gathered in the middle of the plaza, chanting, wailing, and sipping 2000-won cans of beer. Nearby, a very attractive and very slim woman was selling sambap and assuring me of its deliciousness.

What on Earth could be the nature of this massive gathering? My thoughts immediately went to the Blue House, which would have been visible were it not for all the smoke from the fireworkers, and the smokers. And if it weren't nighttime.

Holy crap, I thought, President Roh must be shiitting in his pants (that extra i is so Sonagi can read this at work). Surely, this must be payback for three years of the Roh Administration's pandering, bending over to take it, fertilizer-for-guns activities.

A day of reckoning must have arrived: these red-clad firebrands were about to take down the government as their activist forebears had done in 1960 and 1987. Roh was on his way out; no doubt he was calling Pyongyang to arrange asylum (note to Roh: don't take the train).

I went over to the sambap-monger to ask what exactly was the nature of this display of people power. She refused to answer any questions unless I bought some sambap. I had no cash, and she was unwilling to give me her number so I could arrange payment later in the week, so I left.

As it turns out, these people had gathered to watch a football match. Despite frequent shouts of the country's name, this was no political rally, but a very neatly laid out sea of fans watching a soccer game in a very orderly fashion.

Ah, yes, I realized: the World Cup. That's this month, right?

I myself had avoided any and all talk of the World Cup for a number of reasons. First and foremost, I am a jinx when it comes to sports teams I hope will win: if I watch, I make them lose. It worked against the Anaheim Angels when I was younger, and this knowledge helped them win the World Series in 2002. I am also quite certain that by actively avoiding watching Korea's matches, I single-handedly helped the nation's team reach the final-four during the 2002 Korea/Japan World Cup.

I eschewed discussion of the World Cup also because the K-blogosphere is often just so predictably down on the Korean team that it has sapped and/or zapped whatever fun there was in watching the game.

And then there's the fact that I really didn't need to ride the emotional roller-coaster I get on when watching and hoping for a win by the favored home team. Plus my usual sports-spectating partner is in the midst of dental school final exams down in Kwangju.

So instead I people-watched. From the periphery of the crowd, it was quite a sight to see this sea of fans — really orderly fans — sitting down all in red with their glow-in-the-dark "red devils" horns. There's going to be quite a bit of irony when some of them encounter Satan.

Anyhoo, I did manage to videotape quite a few of the people, especially those wearing t'aegŭkki instead of normal tops. Mmm....patriotically sexy.

I ended up talking with quite a few strangers, some of them asking me to take their picture (I have a friendly face; I really ought to consider a career in ripping off unsuspecting tourists), some were just yelling random things at me in their excitement, others I had asked what kind of camera they had or could I take a picture of their temporarily tatooed cheek or breast (always yes for the cheek; always no for the breast). All the while I was hoping that Korea would score and some attractive woman standing near me would grab me and plant a wet one on me in a moment of football-induced ecstasy (to which I would have replied, "score.").

But no such luck. The wildest of the people there were already paired up with people on whom they would likely have planted a smooch in response to a goal. Those who weren't there as couples often looked mean or too intense. There was a truckload — a literal truckload as in a truck full — of girls dancing nearby, but I don't think they would have let me up there.

I did become fascinated by two groups of people nearby. The first was a couple of young women who seemed more obsessed with preening themselves and then taking pictures (of themselves) every fifteen or thirty seconds. I did ask the one girl what kind of camera she had, because it was amazingly thin (it would fit nicely into my North Face man-bag). It was a Sony; she paid 400,000 won for it.

She herself was awfully thin, and I surreptitiously videotaped her and her friend because (a) the preening was becoming comical and (b) she was an example of how a person can be, literally, too thin. As in unattractively so. It's hard to tell whether a given woman in Korea today is naturally thin or anorexic. I didn't see these two girls drinking beer or eating sambap, so I'm guessing they were the latter.

The next group was three young men (about nineteen) who appeared to be in competition to see who looked more like the guy in "The King's Man," the one who makes those commercials for the pomegranate drink that make you want to gag (the commercials, not the drink). These three men were wearing Disney nightshirts for girls (one had Minnie Mouse on it) and they, too, were preening themselves constantly.

Another man walked by on stilts, except the stilts were covered, so he looked like a ten-foot-tall man, although his height would more likely be measured in meters. He deftly walked through the crowd without tripping or stepping on anybody.

Every time Korea scored a goal, and once more when the game was over, someone at the top of the Plaza Hotel lit off a bunch of fireworks and then we were showered in burning paper. It was a lovely evening.

The game ended just about at midnight, and instead of tossing over Buicks and setting buildings on fire, the crowd dispersed and went home. There were people still shouting "Tae~han~min~guk!" (대한민국! 大韓民国!) and clapping, but most were trying to see if they could catch the last bus or train back to their sleepy communities.

I walked home, content that I had made a wise decision in purchasing real estate so close to the city center. Which would not have been the case had this really been a political rally set to overthrow the government. Then the best place to be is Ullŭngdo. Or Taemado.

When I got home, I suddenly felt the urge to relive memories from the 2002 World Cup. Back then, the games were played during normal waking hours (Korean time) and the celebrations and libations lasted for hours, well into the wee hours of the morning. This time the game ended at midnight, and lots of people were calculating how little sleep they would end up getting.

Nevertheless, I decided to get my large-sized Korean national flag, purchased for 2000 won back in 2002, and drive around Yongsan with the flag fluttering in the wind above my moonroof. When I passed groups of three or more people, I let my horn do the special chant. Most of the people responded with their own chant, while others gave me a thumbs-up.

So if I kept you up last night, I apologize. But just bask in the glow of these special memories. They only happen once, or twice. Maybe three times. [UPDATE: a similar report on a later match]

[Above: These American sports fans were not present at the 2006 World Cup viewing events in Seoul. Thank God.]

Ambassador Vershbow to visit North Korea

Well, not quite Pyongyang, but Kaesong.

Seoul's foreign ministry, including Foreign Minister Ban Kimoon, will take US Ambassador to Korea Alexander Vershbow and about eighty other diplomats on an unprecedented trip to North Korea's Kaesong industrial complex to give them a first-hand view of what South Korea sees as a model of economic integration between the two Koreas.

The Foreign Ministry said this:

We hope this trip will contribute to enhancing and expanding international society's understanding of the Kaesong Industrial Park.

South Korea is also trying to get the US to allow Kaesong-manufactured goods accepted as "Made in Korea" as part of a new FTA.

According to the ROK constitution, Kaesong is a part of the Republic of Korea (as is all of Korea), but Seoul has got to know that such an agreement wouldn't fly in the Republican-controlled US Senate. The Bush administration presently sees the industrial park as helping to prop up Pyongyang (unlike the Bush administration's massive economic ties with Beijing, Pyongyang's primary sponsor) by providing it with funds and hard currency.

My guess is that the Kaesong is a bargaining chip for Seoul, and a potentially valuable one at that.

Adventures in almanacs

According to the 2005 edition of the The World Almanac and Book of Facts (no link, since this is a real book), the number of people over age five who spoke Spanish at home was 28,101,000 in 2000. Approximately one out of nine of the 262,375,000 people in the United States over five (though this certainly doesn't mean that all those who speak Español at home cannot or do not speak Ingles outside).

Hardly surprising. Los Estados Unidos is the fourth-largest Spanish-speaking country in the world (after Spain, Mexico, and Argentina). It is also the largest English-speaking country in the world, with 215,424,000 people over five speaking English at home. Not quite a language under siege, but it is important that the English language remain the dominant and unifying force of the nation (although I think that Ⓐ the marketplace goes a long way toward taking care of that and Ⓑ government agencies should probably make sure demand for English-learning services is actually being met at the local level).

Now what I thought was particularly interesting was who was next.

3. Chinese (2,022,000 speakers)
4. French (1,644,000 speakers; includes Patois and Cajun)
5. German (1,383,000 speakers)
6. Tagalog (1,224,000 speakers)
7. Vietnamese (1,010,000 speakers)
8. Italian (1,008,000 speakers)
9. Korean (894,000 speakers)
10. Russian (706,000 speakers)

So people in America who speak German at home outnumber Korean and Japanese speakers combined (the Japanese speakers number 478,000). When will these Germans, Italians, French, Poles (667,000), Greeks (365,000) and Russians finally assimilate into American society?!

Photos below: Americans not speaking German

North Korea "finds" Kim Young-nam, offers reunion with mother

In a bizarre twist on this tragic story, Pyongyang has confirmed that Kim Young-nam, who was abducted from the southwest coast of South Korea in 1978 at the age of sixteen, is alive in North Korea.

They also said they would arrange a meeting between him and his mother, who is in South Korea, later this month. The poor woman has been tormented by his disappearance. At first, she and her family thought the teen had drowned, but they later heard from authorities that he was likely kidnapped by North Korean agents and forced to live in the DPRK.

For years the North Korean authorities denied having kidnapped a dozen or so Japanese nationals, including Kim Young-nam's apparent wife, Yokota Megumi. In this case, too, they are not readily admitting having snatched Kim Young-nam. The Korean Central News Agency said the country had "succeeded in confirming his whereabouts," but did not say how Kim got into the country.

This case has gotten a lot of press lately because of the connection with Ms. Yokota, who is practically a poster child for the Japanese abductees (North Korea says she is dead, but many in Japan believe she is still alive).

A nearly forgotten tragedy of all this is that Kim is among nearly 500 South Korean civilians believed held in the communist state after being kidnapped, whom North Korea claims voluntarily defected.

Kim's mother, Choi Gye-wol said she is "glad" about the possibility of seeing her son. She said she would hug her son when she sees him and ask "how much pain" he went through.

Meanwhile, Japan's government said it would work closely with South Korea on the issue. Chief Cabinet Secretary Shinzo Abe said:

Japan has already had a variety of experiences in negotiations on the abduction issue, so we can share our experiences with the South Korean government and the victims' families.

Like I said before, this can be an issue to bring Seoul and Tokyo together. Activists working for South Korean abductees are calling on North Korea to admit its kidnappings of South Koreans and send them home:

Listen Chairman Kim Jong-il: Our families' wish is to confirm the fate of abductees.

Additionally, 542 POWs from the Korean War are believed to be still alive in North Korea, though Pyongyang denies this. Meanwhile, North Korea insists on dealing with this matter only as part of discussions on separated families, which indicates they have no intention of returning these ROK nationals.

Girl Thursday

Phoebe Cates in 1989 (left) and Phoebe Cates in 2006 (right), at the age of forty-two and after giving birth to twothree children. It's all in the mixed genes.

Note to self: Kevin Kline is a lucky bastard.

Note to Shelton: no links were harmed in the making of this post.

At left: What I predict Phoebe Cates will look like in 2023.

If you don't eat or drink anything and spend no money, you'll have it paid off in forty years.

Time Magazine reports that China — in a sudden realization that it is in fact a communist country — is planning to crack down on housing complexes that cater to the rich. While housing prices in places like Shanghai have tripled in three years, land-ministry officials acknowledge that the availability of low-cost housing has been neglected:

The country cannot afford construction of large villas to meet the demand of a few high-end customers while sacrificing the interests of the majority.

With city dwellers making (according to Time) an average of $3,333 per year, the average price of a 100-square-meter apartment ($113,000) was simply out of reach. Okay, so something had to give, and I guess socialism with Chinese characteristics doesn't trust the market to work itself out on its own before an acute — and potentially socially destabilizing — housing shortage occurred.

Local elections (OC edition)

Despite being a property-owning Seoul taxpayer, I wasn't eligible to vote in last week's local polls here in the Land of Morning Calm, but this past week I was able to do the next best thing: vote absentee for the slew of local elections in the County of Orange in the Great State of California.

As an American citizen, it is my duty and privilege, about once or twice every other year, to put pen to paper and determine the destiny of a bunch of people whose names I've mostly never heard of. Awesomely powerful is the citizenry.

Being a legal resident of the Land of Tricky Dicky and Mickey™, I am tasked with choosing leaders who will make decisions that could affect future plot lines of "The O.C." It's a responsibility I take very seriously.

The June 6 poll was mostly primaries, but in typical California fashion, there were some ballot initiatives as well (we don't trust Sacramento to do all our bidding; also, we like to sneak some things by as a way of teaching those who don't vote a brutal lesson).

Anyway, it is important, and after spending an hour at Lavazza filling it out, I had my daily jog swing by the post office inside Yongsan Garrison where I dropped it off. I'm reasonably certain it reached Santa Ana in about three days, unless a Republican was manning the Stateside Mail slot.

GOVERNOR
First on our hit list was who should be the Democratic candidate for governor — essentially who should be running against The Gubernator™ in November. Although State Treasurer Phil Angelides got the endorsement of the state party, I voted for his strong competitor, State Controller Steve Westly (left). This may or may not have to do with the fact that — purely coincidentally — my mother and I ran into him and his wife on line at the Grotta Azzurra (Blue Grotto) on the Island of Capri (CAH-pree) during our trip to Italy in 2004.

A really nice guy who talked with us for about half an hour; he had told us he probably wouldn't run for governor if Arnold Schwarzenegger decided to run for re-election, but The Ahnuld's popularity is pretty low right now, so I guess he figured he'd give it a shot. One thing I liked about Mr. Westly (who gave me his card, too) is that he said he thought the Governor was someone he could work with, unlike a few of his Democratic allies.

Oh, and the Blue Grotto was nice, too. Indescribably amazing, actually.

There were several other state offices — Lieutenant Governor, Secretary of State, Controller, Treasurer — where I didn't know enough about the candidates so I did the right thing and left it blank. I did vote for current Lt. Gov. Cruz Bustamante for Insurance Commissioner, largely because I felt sorry for him losing to Ahnuld during the recall.

Oh, yeah, and I did vote for former Governor Jerry Brown (currently Mayor of Oakland) for Attorney General. He deserves my vote just for having dated Linda Rondstandt, who was quite a hotty in her day (below). (Linda Rondstadt was later romantically connected with Plow King owner and proprietor Barney Gumble of Springfield).

SHERIFF-CORONER
For some reason in Orange County our sheriff and coroner are the same person. That should make for interesting plot lines when they start to make CSI: Orange County. This was actually the race that was getting the most press because of the scandal in which the incumbent, Michael Carona (Carona the Coroner...nice ring to it) and his cronies found themselves. Both opponents focused on this, and one of them demanded that Carona resign.

Essentially, both of the challengers were running on a platform of not allowing their friend's son to rape 16-year-old girls.

Carona said in his bio/platform that "residents of Orange County are safer today than they were eight years ago" when he took office. I know I'm safer, but that may be because I live in Korea.

One of his opponents, Bill Hunt, says that violent crime in sheriff-patrolled areas (i.e., areas not part of some city plus areas where policing is contracted out to the OC Sheriff's Department) skyrocketed 30% (he doesn't say from when...could be from 1850 when we achieved statehood, or 1890, when OC broke off from L.A. County) and homicides have increased 26%.

So, one of these men is lying. I'm not sure which one, so I voted for the third guy, Robert Alcaraz, who used to be a Deputy Sheriff, and as a bonus, did not invoke 9/11 in his little blurb. (There was a fourth guy, but when he said he said he spent three decades in "the largest Sheriff's Department in the nation," I knew he wasn't talking about OC, and we don't need no carpet-baggers.)

US SENATOR
For US Senator I chose incumbent Dianne Feinstein. Duh. She has the best chance of beating a Republican challenger in November. For US Represenative, it was a choice between two people I don't know. Unfortunately, they didn't offer a bio for the Voter Information Pamphlet. I thought about leaving it blank, but in the end I wrote myself in. I doubt I won, but stranger things have happened. Well, no, stranger things than that have not happened, but I will keep my cell phone on during business hours in Sacramento, just in case.

STATE SENATE
For State Senate, for some reason it seems we were actually voting not for the Democratic nominee but for who will go to Sacramento as the actual State Senator — it was a Democrat versus a Republican, which would be odd if it were a Democratic primary (did the GOP railroad through a bill requiring a Republican be on all ballots as part of Homeland Security?).

The Democrat is a school teacher who talked up the importance of good education and "meaningful education reforms in Sacramento" (Sacramento is our capital, by the way, just in case you were wondering why I keep referencing that city; if you are an actual Californian and did not know that, I urge you to not vote or operate heavy machinery in the future). The Republican is a State Assemblyman who talked about illegal immigration right out the gate — "It's my first priority."

He says he voted for border police enforcement, voted to remove taxpayer funded benefits for illegal aliens, and voted against driver's license for illegal aliens. He ran for office "to protect our quality of life and family values."

Fine, except that when I was actually present in OC, these were often code words by some White people for reining in the Latinos and the Asians (there aren't a lot of Blacks in Orange County). Illegal immigration is a problem, but it's not typically solved by people who see these issues as us-versus-them, especially when "them" is assumed to be anybody of color.

SUPERIOR COURT JUDGE
For Superior Court Judge in our district there were three people running but only one had a platform/bio. She has led a team that prosecutes drunk driving homicides (well I should hope they're prosecuted), and she also prosecuted sexual predators, child molestors, and rapists. So far, so good: these people should be prosecuted.

But then she mentioned her support of the death penalty and I just decided I couldn't vote for her. I did that twice with Clinton and I just can't do it anymore. By the way, she mentions doing volunteer work in her parish, which would mean she's a death penalty-supporting Catholic. Hmm...

Not having a clear idea who to vote for, I wrote in the name of a friend from UCI. She's a lawyer. I think she'd make a good judge. I should call her and give her a heads-up, just in case.

COUNTY SUPERVISOR
Next up was County Supervisor. One guy was a teacher who supports protecting Orange County's wetlands (in Bolsa Chica, around Huntington Beach). Lots of politicians mentioned protecting OC wetlands; I think it's required by law. This guy ended his platform with, "A vote for me is a vote for you." I was tempted to cut out the middle man and just vote for myself again. His opponent was very proud of being a union buster, like he's some tough guy from Chicago or the Bronx. Come on, this is Orange County...unions hold potlucks and go bowling. Going after OC unions is about as classy as attacking Medicare drug plan protestors with baseball bats.

Both of them mentioned cleaning up the mess from Orange County's infamous $2 billion bankruptcy back in 1994. It was then the largest municipal bankruptcy in world history. The lesson learned: don't trust a Democrat to handle large sums of cash. Anyway, we're apparently still reeling from this. I think I'll stay away a while longer.

ASSESSOR
For Assessor, there were two guys running against the incumbent. Neither seemed to like the incumbent much. The first one asked, "Has your church ever had to file a lawsuit because the assessor's office denied its property tax exemption?" The answer for me is no. Had he also asked about temples and/or mosques, I might have been more willing to get behind this guy. I'm not a practicing Muslim or Jew, but some of my best friends have been, and I just think inclusion is the way to go on religion in the US. Seriously, it sounded like it was code of some kind, and I don't go in for tolerating intolerance.

The other guy sounded fine (he was a Navy S.E.A.L., though I'm not sure what that has to do with being a County Assessor), except that he voted against the El Toro Airport.

The El Toro Airport issue was one of the great dividing issues between North/West Orange County and South/East Orange County. Basically, a vast Marine Corps Air Station was closed down and Southern California planners (not just in OC, but in neighboring Los Angeles County, the Inland Empire, and San Diego) thought that this would be a perfect place for a desperately needed international airport.

But in a classic case of NIMBY (not in my backyard), the residents in South County (southern/eastern OC) rose up against the plan. Airport noise, planes falling from the sky, cheesy television shows centered around the area, etc., etc. Geez, it's not like their homes weren't already built around an existing military air base! Bunch of whiners (and I'm from Irvine, by the way, just a few miles from El Toro).

Anyway, I think I ended up voting for the incumbent. (El Toro ended up becoming Orange County Great Park. [UPDATE: A park with a huge orange balloon.])

DISTRICT ATTORNEY
For District Attorney, there was only one person running. This means either OC's political elite are entrenched, there are too few competent people among OC's three million residents, or the Voting Registrar is too hard to find.

I voted for the incumbent.

MISCELLANEOUS
Without any bio/platform information on the one guy running for Auditor, I thought about voting for myself, but I wouldn't know what I was doing if somehow I really ended up with the job (like if the guy died or was arrested in some bizarre sex-and-drug scandal or something). I did write myself in for County Superintendent of Schools, but only because I didn't care for the platform of the other two. Having grown up in OC schools, I could show them a thing or two about how much our school system sucks eggs.

MEASURES
I voted yes to all three — expanding pre-school education with a 1.7% tax on individual income over $400,000; constructing and renovating public libraries; and prohibiting the County's use of "eminent domain" to forcibly acquire property from one private party to give to another private party.

So there you have it, the mundanity of voting in Orange County. I wish it were more exciting than that, but it's not. Anything interesting that happens in Orange County has all been rehashed on "The O.C." In season 1. In the first four episodes. The rest of us lead humdrum lives. But as a reward for reading this far, I will give you another picture of Linda Rondstadt.

P.S. The guy I met in Capri, Italy, narrowly lost the nomination. But after Arnold Schwarzenegger beats the pants off Angelides in November, I think Mr. Westly will be back in 2010.

감사합니다. (Thank you)

Today is 현충일, Memorial Day, in Korea. It's a holiday and there are no doubt hundreds of thousands—if not millions—out pickinicking and partying here and there, but there are also many people heading for cemetaries and other gravesites to honor those who died defending the Republic of Korea or fighting alongside its allies, such as the United States in places like Vietnam.

Wherever they were, the sirens sounding at ten o'clock this morning were a sobering reminder of what today has been set aside for.

At one time, US deaths in the Korean War had been put at 54,246, though this was revised decades later to 33,686 (the original number had included deaths in all theaters where US forces were operating). These deaths occurred in three years, making the Korean War deadlier per day than the Vietnam War was.

During the same period, some 150,000 or more South Korean soldiers lost their lives. A total of one million or so South Koreans—the vast majority civilians—died during the conflict.

These ROK soldiers were career soldiers (some who got their start in Japanese uniform), brave volunteers, and often scared conscripts. They included old men and even children. Women also fought and gave up their lives.

Along with the US and the other UN partners, these South Koreans helped preserve the Republic so that it could survive to become an economic powerhouse and a thriving democracy. The freedoms enjoyed by all of us living in South Korea today were bought and paid for with the blood and sweat of all these people.

Thank you.

On this day we also honor South Korean soldiers who fought in other wars. During the unpopular Vietnam War, South Koreans were the largest "coalition partners" the Americans had. While the US lost 58,191 men (and women), South Korea experienced 5,000 deaths in Vietnam and 11,000 injuries.

The "Forgotten War" was never forgotten in Korea, and during the Vietnam War era less than a generation later, many young ROK men welcomed the chance to fight the communist enemy which was responsible for ravaging the Korean Peninsula.

Today is also a day to remember those who, since the armistice in 1953, have died while facing the North Korean military poised to do harm to us here, such as ground troops who have died trying to capture DPRK spies and seamen who were killed in maritime battles as recent as 2002.

Top photo: ROK soldiers march toward front lines of Pusan Perimeter in 1950.

Middle photo: The battle for Seoul in September 1950 was characterized by brutal door-to-door fighting .

Bottom photo: South Korean civilians in Taejon massacred by retreating North Korean forces.

Adventures in crashing publicity events

[Normally, I would relegate a post like this one to my quips and responses post, but this one includes pictures, so it's best to leave it out in the open.]

The always controversial, often self-absorbed, frequently clueless, and usually trying just a little too hard to be cutesy Shelton Bumgarner* has presented us a guest-post post at The Marmot's Hole talking about so-called "Hallyu Hipsters" (Hallyu, for those of you living in a cave and/or the US, refers to the so-called "Korean Wave" of Korean pop culture sweeping across East Asia; Hipsters are, as best as I can figger, is a 1930s term referring to people with very large hips).

While my own deepest darkest nightmares involve an increasingly isolationist United States backing away from its uniquely qualified role as primary Northeast Asian peacekeeper, thus leading to an arms race and eventually real-life shooting wars between Japan, China, and/or possibly the Koreas, Taiwan, and Russia, Shelton's fears are that people will find Korea cool without him having brought it to them:

Please, Naborat Jeebus, don’t let the hipsters co-op Hallyu in the United States and turn it into the latest trucker hat. Just the idea of seeing Ashton Kutcher, Danny Masterson or, God forbid, Lindsay Lohan Wilmer Valderrama in a hanbuk as they stumble saunter into some chic Hollywood nightclub is enough to make me reach for my gun…er…soju.

Mmm...okay. But you're too late Shelton. Britney Spears herself—the Queen of...the Queen of...the queen of whatever trailer park she's from, I guess—has already broken the hanbok barrier. Two and a half years ago, in fact.

I was there and it was not a pretty sight [see photo at bottom]. Britney likes pink, but her choice of a pink hanbok was truly garish. She might have looked quite stunning, though, in a darker one with more subdued colors, like the picture below with what's-her-name, from that movie...with the thing. You know...we saw it together. Don't you remember? What's wrong with you?

Anyway, Britney has probably scared off plenty of Hollywood's most stunning creatures from trying on a hanbok, at least until the end of the decade. Besides, someone like Lindsay Lohan would run the risk of falling out of it, if you get my meaning. Not that I wouldn't pay a small pay-per-view charge for a program featuring something like that.

Anyhoo, I did want to mention that I was at the scene of the fashion crime when Britney tried on the garish gown of Goryeo. In fact, I asked her a question at this PR event.

I was going to ask her what it was like to kiss Madonna, but my conservative co-workers advised me against that, saying that no one in Korea would dare ask such a thing.

So true, I thought, so instead I asked her what she thought about music piracy and how that problem could be resolved, thinking that if she gave a half-way thought-out answer it might end up being picked up by the wire services and I'd be on television worldwide.

She answered (and it helps to imagine a Louisiana trailer trash accent for this), "That's really bad, and I think someone oughta do something about that."

"Dumb as dirt," is what went throught my head, and which I momentarily feared had crossed my lips (though that, too, would have gotten me international exposure).

The people immediately following me asked her what it was like to kiss Madonna.

* I'm just kidding. I kid because I love...to kid.

Photo: While wearing this traditional outfit, called a hanbok, Britney Spears said she felt "like a Korean empress," especially after several Japanese government agents rushed the stage and tried to stab her. The ominous image behind her, by the way, is the Ghost of Career Past.

I miss my car.

My pimped-out minivan is, as of two o'clock today, in the shop, getting a huge gash across the driver's side fixed (someone backed into me inside Yongsan Garrison while I was going perpendicular to the path he was taking, and as I braked to a stop, his bumper dug into the entire length of my car...just a couple months after getting the entire thing fixed!).

I have been given a six-year-old Samsung 5-series as a loaner in the meantime. Not a bad car by any means, but it sure feels different from the Kia Carnival (a Kia Sedona if I had bought it in the States). What it lacks in height it makes up for in length, so I've easily got twice as much car in front and back that I have to worry about when parking. I feel like I've got a giant cow-catcher attached to my front end.

Plus, being so (relatively) close to the ground, I swear to the Almighty, it feels like I'm in the luge event at the Winter Olympics. Or the street luge in California.


It really does suck losing your car even for a couple days. There's always something you forget — I left my hands-free set in the Kia — and there's always something you miss. I guess I'll have to go without having "The View" on the built-in telly when I'm driving home from work in the morning. (Despite the fact that I paid 40,000 won to disable the "Attention: On Driving" warning that blocks out the screen when the car is in motion, the TV is just for listening, not for looking at...I don't watch TV while driving, especially the time I hit that delivery truck).

You won't have Chung Dong-Young to kick around anymore

All I can say is, "Yay."

Citing his party's miserable showing in yesterday's elections, Uri party leader Chung Dong-young resigned today, taking responsibility for the party's crushing defeat in local elections that the major opposition party won by a landslide:

I accept the people's reprimand of the party that was expressed in this election in a prudent and humble manner.

Note to Chung: Accepting the people's reprimand in "a prudent and humble manner" precludes running for president next year.

Photos: Massive electoral defeat is one reason that it's ill-advised to for political figures to get permanent smirk surgery.