The beginning of the end?

[above: All smiles. Has stroke damage put a permanent look of jocularity on Kim Jong-il's face?]

I awoke this morning to a friend having emailed that he saw on the MSNBC news ticker that North Korean leader Kim Jong-il may have suffered a stroke. Though I don't have cable TV (heck, I barely have digital TV), I went to the MSNBC site and, lo and behold, there it was. I thought I might come out of hibernation/retirement and post a note to one of Marmot's open threads, but R. Elgin beat me to the punch (note that he used a question mark in his title, too). 

News of this possible stroke comes amid speculation about the Dear Leader's whereabouts after he failed to attend the 60th anniversary celebration of the founding of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (DPRK, that's the communist one up north). This, of course, following speculation by a North Korea watcher Toshimitsu Shigemura of Waseda University in Japan that the Dear Leader had kicked the bucket five years ago and what we see right now are his doubles. 

[It's interesting side note, by the way, that this all comes down on the 60th anniversary of the DPRK founding. In Chinese-dominated East Asian tradition, sixty years is considered a full cycle, five rounds of the twelve symbols of the Chinese zodiac, roughly equivalent to a full life back in the day (this is why hwan•gap, a person's 60th birthday celebration—61st birthday in Korean age—is such a big deal). The sexagenary system for naming years (kabo, ŭryu, imjin, kyeyu, kapshin, etc.) goes through sixty names before it starts over. Maybe the 60th anniversary of the DPRK founding is a time for new direction and renewal, just like the 60th anniversary of the end of World War II should signal the end of loathing toward Japan.]

"For the North Korean people," my friend wrote, "I hope this is true." 

Careful what you wish for. 

I, like most people in South Korea, would love for the DPRK not to exist. But, like most people in South Korea, I am very apprehensive about how we will get from the current Point A to a future Point B where the North has been absorbed, integrated, and normalized by the South, à la East and West Germany. It will be expensive, painful, and possibly bloody. The only thing certain is that nobody is ready for what is going to happen. Being a resident of central Seoul, I fear I'm also going to be in the middle of ground zero for whatever social turmoil erupts in the south over this (be it refugees, protests against new policies, or even violence, God forbid). 

A new and possibly even greater concern is how China will react. I've made no secret of my fear that Beijing has been positioning itself ideologically and politically for a takeover of the DPRK were it to collapse. It has punished North Korea for stepping out on its own to create free-trade zones (like in Shinŭiju, in the northwest corner of the DPRK), and it has tried to convince the world with its "Northeast Asia Project" that Koguryǒ, one of Korea's historic "Three Kingdoms," is historically a part of China.

In other words, as they see with Tibet and Mongolia, the Chinese government trying to convince the Chinese people that they have a claim of sorts over what is now North Korea. That may be just enough to justify a takeover of the DPRK, as I mentioned here and other places. The result would be a bloody uprising—it's doubtful that the North Koreans would tolerate any non-Korean occupier—that could get very, very messy before it's over.  

South Korea, of course, claims all of Korea, just as North Korea does. The two are competing governments over the same territory. It had been assumed for decades that a North Korea collapse would be followed by a South Korea takeover, hopefully a peaceful one. That prospect is not only expensive, but China's moves put it in doubt. But even if Beijing completely backs off, things could get messy with North Koreans rioting over policies ranging from property redistribution to food distribution to retribution against their former leaders. 

Messy. All this will be very messy. No one knows how the military and the leadership, who have abused their people for years, will react. Will they cut and run, à la the Nazis at the end of WWII? Will they hunker down, à la many countries that have fallen? Will they just give up their arms, à la Japanese soldiers at the end of WWII? Will they perhaps point their fingers at their superiors to avoid getting in trouble, as some Nazis did? Will they try to maintain a semblance of governance so they can negotiate a way out of their predicament? 

Will the people string up their leaders, à la Ceaucescu in Romania? Will the people demand goods and services from South Korea? Will the people welcome the South Koreans? 

So many questions. I hope there's a plan in place to give the military leaders a way out so they don't hunker down and cause even more damage, even if that means letting some people go without punishment. I also hope there's a plan in place to grant the North Korean people the rights to the property they've been using, so we don't cement in place permanent poverty for those unlucky enough to be living up there.

So many question marks today. So many more to come. 

Of course, after all this hubbub, it might turn out in the end that Kim Jong-il has sneaked out of the country to record his next album. (It looks like someone has stolen my gag! Intellectual property-stealing biatch!)

Special to Monster Island: transcript from video where above photo was lifted:

KJI: ... Okay, I've got another one. 

COMRADE 1: We would all love to hear it, Dear Leader.

COMRADES: [in unison] Yes, please! Another one!

KJI: What's the difference between George Bush and a bucket of shit?

COMRADE 2: We do not know, Benevolent One. Please enlighten us!

COMRADE 3: Yes, enlighten us so we may make sure your will is followed!

KJI: The bucket!

COMRADES: [intense laughter] Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! [one COMRADE is heard falling on the floor] Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

KJI: Actually, I don't get it. But it had Mark Chinoy in stitches when Bill Richardson told it to him. 

COMRADE 1: ROTFLMAO!

KJI: Mao? Dammit, Cho. You're such a buzz kill. 

COMRADE 2: Would you like us to re-educate him, Sir? 

Happy birthday, Grandma!

Today is my grandmother's birthday. If she hadn't died in 1980-something from complications following a stroke, she'd be 110 years old today. 

(Lest you think having a 110-year-old grandmother makes me half a century old or something, she was almost 40 when my immediate forebear was born and that forebear was well approaching 40 when I was born. Do the math: that puts me between about 30 and 40. My personal protest against Korean ageism—나이주의 반대!—has barred me from telling my own age or asking the age of others since I was 23 in 1990-something, but I will say I was born when Ronald Reagan was the governor of my state.)

[Sitemeter update: Some sick bastard in Brandenburg, Germany, linked to this site by googling MONSTER+GRANDMA+sex. Dude, that's my Nana!]

I wear my sunglasses at night

And what is up with the sunglasses? Lately Kim Jong-il seems to wear them everywhere. Many Pyongyang observers believe he is trying to hide a medical condition, but I wonder if he's being abused. Maybe leader of big-brother China Hu Jintao has been giving little-brother Kim a beatdown. Maybe that's why the Dear Leader acts up and rebuilds his nuclear reactor after he said he wouldn't pursue nukes. 

When he gets him alone in Beijing, I'm sure Christopher Hill would like to ask him about it, but you know Marshal Kim will just deny it: "I walked into the door again." Well, if you ask, that's what he'll say. "And it's not your business anyway. I guess I'd like to be alone."

Kids, this post contains several 1980s pop music references, what radio stations today refer to as "oldies." Can you spot them? Bonus points if you can name their B-side. Even more bonus points if you knew what a B-side was without following the Wikipedia link. 

Viva la Vinyl

One of my new favorite songs is Viva la Vida by Coldplay, a catchy tune with string instruments and a thought-provoking set of lyrics (I think it's an allegory about George W. Bush with broader applications to leaders of any time or place).

I liked it so much that I paid the iTunes Store the 99¢ required to download it onto my iPhone and iPod. That's right, kids, Kushibo doesn't believe in piracy. Despite the way Johnny Depp and Keira Knightley colorfully portray them, pirates were killers who wreaked havoc on innocent people just trying to live their lives, and I'm not going to support that. Sure, piracy today typically involves non-violent theft of intellectual property, but it's still stealing and the fact is someone deserves to get paid for their work (or else they won't produce the next one). Write a book sometime and you'll feel the same way. If you like the movie, song, book, or software, pay for the freakin' thing! It's ninety-nine f-ing cents, for criminy sake!

Anyway, I'm writing about this because I heard recently that Coldplay decided to release this single on vinyl. "Vinyl?" my born-after-1990 readers (if I have any) might ask? "What's that?" Well, vinyl is what we called those big black plastic disks with all the tiny grooves that played the music on the turntable. "What's a turntable?" you ask. Shut the fu¢k up! 

Yes, Kushibo may not be Biblical old, but he's old enough to remember vinyl records. I might even have a few, most purchased for about $10 at Tower Records, which doesn't exist anymore. Man, maybe I am Biblical old. A flood... I remember something about a flood. Wait, no, that was Katrina. 

Anyway, I just thought releasing a song on vinyl in 2008 was novel and cool, and it's interesting that it seems to be coming back. Madonna released one of her albums on vinyl, but, well, that's just coming full circle for her. Just how old is she? Let's just say if she breaks a hip in one of her dance videos, Medicare will cover it. 

In conclusion, I would like to add that I really think the album cover for Viva la Vida is way cool, though a tad unrealistic. I mean, if I were marching along and some hot chick ended up topless in front of me, the last thing on my mind would be getting caught up in something that had a good chance of getting me killed. 

I'd be rethinking that whole political martyrdom thing real quick. You can see it in the eyes of the guy on the left in the top hat (click on the link for a larger image): he's a well-dressed fellow of some means and he's looking at the rack on that woman and thinking, "Am I really ready to give all this up just to make a political statement I'll be too dead to appreciate? Hell, no! Now if only I can get Miss Exhibitionist up there to feel the same, I'd be stylin'." He's about ready to grab her arm and make for the exit. 

The guy on the right, that's a different story. He either hasn't hit puberty yet (they didn't have BGH-infused milk and flickering televisions in those days) and therefore naked breasts don't excite him, or he has hit puberty but he's still at that stage of adolescence where he thinks he can impress girls by doing whatever they ask. She can't show you her appreciation (or her boobs) when you're dead, Pierre!

What happened to the Korea posts?

Someone emailed me recently and asked why (in her mind) I had stopped posting about Korea issues. The short answer is I haven't. 

The long answer is I've only recently been able to carve out the time to start semi-regularly posting again, but the Korea-related posts usually require a lot more energy and thought to be put into them. 

I will try to write more later. Among the topics I hope to address: 

1. the Chinese students run amok in Seoul during the Olympic torch relay

2. President Lee Myungbak's apparent appeals to the Christian right in South Korea

3. the out-of-hand candlelight vigils against beef imports ostensibly due to concerns about Mad Cow Disease but, behind the scenes, really about sticking it to President Lee

4. the Beijing Olympics and what it means to Chinese nationalism and how other countries should view China

5. the impending collapse of North Korea (?)

6. Cho Seung-hui

7. comparing Korea's economic crises due to mismanagement and deceit with America's economic crises due to mismanagement and deceit

8. making nice with Japan in a post-Roh Moohyun Korea (or a return to the days of the Kim-Obuchi accord)

9. the future of the ROK-US free-trade agreement and why I might not vote for Obama because of that one issue

I'm sure you're all waiting with bated breath. 

Worst superhero concept ... ever!

Not sure what kind of superpowers Toilet Man would have. Traveling through the sewer? Flying in an arc-like trajectory? Sanitizing the city for our protection? 

[photo taken outside men's restroom at temple in Sŏraksan National Park]

Swiftboating Obama

Media Matters has a nice flow chart of how the right is going about "swiftboating" Democratic Presidential Candidate Barack Hussein Obama. Swiftboating, if you don't remember from 2004, was the act by a GOP operative, who had no first-hand knowledge of then Lt. John Kerry's own actions during the Vietnam War, of starting rumors, making innuendo, and successfully calling into doubt Kerry's heroism during the Vietnam War.

This year, the goal is to get enough voters to question Senator Obama's patriotism, American citizenship, religious faith, etc., that he won't win election. This is where we get the memes — often repeated in right-wing blogs and talk radio — that "B. Hussein Obama" is a Manuchurian candidate of sorts for Muslim extremists, among other things.

Media Matters is tasked with calling foul on incorrect things put forth in the media, though they tend to attack right-wing positions more than left. They often target "fair and balanced" Fox News, which is often not fair, not balanced, and increasingly not news. With the "Swiftboating 2.0" article linked above, you can see not just what the memes are, but who is generating or repeating them and how.

See this link for the anti-Obama memes in list form.

To be fair, many of the same usual suspects also went after Senator John McCain when he was running against then-Texas Governor George W. Bush for the GOP nomination in 2000. Had it happened to me, the smear campaign done to McCain would have made me extremely bitter, enough that I might not be able to stand in the same room as the president. But if McCain wants to get elected, he needs to play nice with Dubya and he needs to cater to the listeners, viewers, and readers of the right-wing media that crucified him eight years ago. (Enter Sarah Palin, a darling of Rush Limbaugh who had been pushing for putting her on the ticket.)

United we live, divided we dine

That's a paraphrase of former South Korean president Syngman Rhee's [yi sŭng•man, 이승만] famous (if you're Korean) proclamation about a divided Korean peninsula. And that's appropriate given the topic of this post, a Koreatown restaurant (courtesy the Los Angeles Times) that's as heavy on the nostalgia as it is on the bean paste. 

Some people go to Olive Garden for a Tuscan atmosphere; others will go to E-Hwa Jang [i•hwa•jang, 이화장; Good God, people, learn to Romanize!] for a bit of kitsch from South Korea's not-too-distant past. 

But in SoCal a lot of people (kyopo included) will be blissfully unaware of how controversial this sort of nostalgia is. For while Rhee is the guy who may have single-handedly forged a pro-American Korean island out of a Communist morass, he did so at the expense of tens of thousands of lives lost in wartime and peacetime crackdowns on leftists, spies, and North sympathizers (which in his mind was small compared to the millions more that would have been lost had Pyongyang prevailed in the south). 

The owner of the restaurant, Hi Duk Lee [yi tŏ•k'i, 이덕희] is a cousin of Rhee (Yi, Lee, and Rhee, same same), so it's likely he cuts his hyŏng a bit of slack. So did my favorite Yonsei University professor, who was a college student during the heady days of protest against Rhee in 1960 which led to his overthrow and exile in Hawaii: he now says if he had known then what he knows now about how instrumental Rhee was in preserving South Korea as a (relatively) free, capitalist, and pro-American entity, he wouldn't have protested.

While a lot of people are reasonably divided on Park Chunghee's [pak chŏng•hi] legacy — was he the brilliant architect of South Korea's economic rise or was he an authoritarian figure who crushed Korea's democratic dreams — I'm not so sure South Koreans are yet ready to do the same with President Rhee.

While in Hawaii, one thing I've been able to do that was interesting to me (as a Korean Studies academic) was to see the modest home where Rhee spent the last years of his life in exile. I'll post pictures sometime, but it's a regular house on a quiet street, not far from where Senator Barack Hussein Obama would later be educated at the prestigious Punahou School. In many ways, it reminded me of Ihwajang, the equally modest home in central Seoul's Hyehwa-dong where the First Couple lived. 

By the way, one thing I've always found interesting in the whole Korea-is-xenophobic discussion is how widely Francesca Rhee, his Austria-born wife, was accepted. It certainly underscores the notion I've long championed that the worst xenophobic (and let's face it, usually racist) instincts of those Koreans who opposed "international marriage" are only one part of the entire spectrum.

fake blogs of famous people

While looking for real things fair-and-balanced™ television pundit Bill O'Reilly actually said about health care, I ran across this fake blog entry purported to be by the no-spinmeister himself. There are links to others, some of which are milk-out-your-nose hilarious. 

This one by Christopher Walken on Bigfoot (Sasquatch for the culturally sensitive) is pretty amusing. I guess you have to imagine these done in the voice of the person who "wrote" them.

Now is it fair to spoof people like this? Well, these folks are in the public eye and so the courts have said satire is okay. I mean, it's not like someone has gone out and hacked into their accounts, pretended to be them, posted things in their name, turned their blog into a spambot, and got it shut down for a while. That would just be asshole-ish beyond belief. 

Kush?! I am so going to sue.

Kids, this is why it pays to read the paper every day. You miss one 24-hour cycle of news and the next thing you know you've missed the article about how someone stole your life story and turned it into a movie. Now, I haven't seen this movie Kush, but with a title like that, can it be about anything other than me (or the ancient Nubian civilization)?

I mean, this is totally me. Although my nose isn't quite that big, I have been known to wear giant sunglasses while looking at palm trees and guys holding guns. And I do run around unshaven from time to time. 

And I hang out with these two totally hot White chicks who also hang out with these two annoying White guys who follow them around all the time looking all worried and shit. This is totally ripped from my life!

And that slogan, "It's a Kush Life, but Somebody Has to Burn"? Man, that was title of my blog up until 2004! 

Man, I'm so totally going to sue. And I'm not stopping there: Seth Cohen is a total Kushibo rip-off, too: witty dark-haired Orange County guy with a fondness for pop culture and dark-haired, light-skinned women who ignore him. After I get done suing The O.C., they won't be able to afford the "The" anymore. 

More on the Tina Fey-Sarah Palin connection

[left, Tina Fey of SNL and 30 Rock]

Oh, come on. They do look alike. And I reiterate: Tina Fey is a total hottie: brains, humor, intelligence, and cute as all get out. Smart is sexy 'cuz I'm the kinda guy that likes talking about stuff after, um, after we "snuggle."

[below, Tina Fey stunt double and Alaska governor (and, for now, Republican vice presidential hopeful) Sarah Palin]

Even more on the Fey-Palin connection here. 

ROK-US FTA blog

Ben Muse in Alaska is running a great blog that presents news of the Korea-US free-trade agreement, which is awaiting ratification in Korea's National Assembly (where the ruling party says it will pass) and the US Congress (where Democrats may try to make changes or not pass it altogether). Obama is not a big fan but McCain is, though the latter would have trouble getting it passed (or anything passed) in a Democrat-led House and Senate. 

If McCain does win (and after Kerry's defeat in 2004, I think it's folly to assume Obama's got this in the bag) I think there will be some good opportunity for the Democrats to sit down with McCain and hammer out some meaningful reforms dealing with the corruptive influence of lobbyists and other deep-pocket contributors that end up distorting what our country does. A silver lining, if you will.

But if you do win, McCain, please stay healthy for the next four years: A throughly unprepared and inexperienced President Palin is a scary prospect, even if she is a hottie (in that Tina Fey kinda way, which I must admit I like). 

UPDATE 1:

This blog is a similar set up on the prospects of a future Taiwan-US FTA. 

UPDATE 2: 

This State Government site makes the case for the ROK-US FTA. Also available as a PDF file.

I'll add more on this later, but I may become a single-issue voter this election, and that single issue would be the Korea-US free-trade agreement. 

One Chinese person's thoughts on Korea

Reflecting some of the anti-Korea bias that is now being discussed at the Marmot's Hole, I've had some conversations recently with a few Mainland Chinese students about Korea. The universities in Hawaii are fascinating places if you want to hear what people from all over the world think (Han China, Uighers, Iraqis, Mongolians, Tibetans, Burmese, Iranians, Palestinians, etc.).

Anyway, I'll get into this more later, because some of the things I've heard are a trip! But one woman with whom I am friends boldly told me that (1) Korean men generally beat their wives and (2) Korean women are forced to quit their jobs when they get married. She had also heard from her friend who lives in Korea that (3) Korean cuisine is very boring because all Koreans eat is rice and kimchi.