Saturday, November 12, 2005

The five mascots of the apocalypse

Are all the good mascots already gone?

Japundit posted
news about the supposed-to-be-cute-but-actually-kinda-scary mascots Beijing has chosen for the 2008 Olympiad. I don't know if it's intended or not, but in cartoon form they seem to be drawings of characters from Chinese opera.

From left to right the five of them are:
Beibei, a fish who plies the waters of the Taiwan Strait in order to spy on China's counter-revolutionary enemies. Beibei also appears from time to time near the Spratly Islands.

Jingjing, a giant big brother panda that is so large and oppressive it can omnisciently keep a watchful eye on every conceivable activity in the People's Republic of China to make sure that no one will accidentally threaten the existence of the Communist Party and its control of China.

Huanhuan, a flame of fire that Beijing promises to rain down on Taiwan if the "renegade province" ever declares independence.

Yingying, a Himalayan antelope that uses its antlers to round up and imprison Tibetans who dare speak out against Beijing for its brutal occupation of their ancient kingdom and its attempts to destroy Tibet's indigenous religion and culture.

Nini, a swallow who flies around northeastern China looking for North Korean citizens who have managed to escape the murderous grip of the Hermit Kingdom, so it can fly them back to the DPRK for certain impisonment and torture and possible death, both for them and their family.

The names were selected so that if you string together the first syllable of each name, you get bei-jing huan-ying ni, which means Beijing welcomes you.*

* Welcome not applicable if you are a North Korean refugee, a Tibetan or Uighur  or Taiwanese who does not wish to be under Beijing's thumb, a religious person of any kind, someone who wishes the Chinese people to enjoy the fruits of democracy, an advocate of free speech and press freedom, a whistle-blower of Chinese corruption or Party wrongdoing, or anyone who might seem like even a minor threat to the Communist Party's unchallenged control of China. American, Japanese, and South Korean businesspeople with their fistfuls of dollars, yen, and won are encouraged to keep 'em coming; Beijing continues to promise cheap products for Walmart, the 100-yen shop, Lotte Mart, Carrefour, and Daiso if Washington, Tokyo, and Seoul continue to look the other way.


  1. kinda scary? At least by looking at the drawing from china's offical olymipic site, it looks like beibei has some sort of physical disablity, jingjing is a gangstat wannabe, huanhuan is a flamboyant cross-dresser, yingying looks like he's winding up his arm to chop off someone's head and nini has down syndrome..

  2. Love the alternative narrative behind Beijing 2008's Fab Five. Besides Minty Clorets pithy witticisms, I can only add the the anthropomorphism of the mascots gives me the creeps.

    As does the idea of spending my hard-earned money to help make the Beijing summer games a success. The summer olympics have always bored me, anyway, but now I have a better excuse not to watch them.

  3. Seriously? Those mascots really give me the willies.


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