Friday, January 16, 2009

Canadian geese attack US airliner

A US Airways passenger jet thankfully avoided any death toll when it petered into the chilly Hudson River just three minutes after takeoff. Passengers could be seen standing on the wings of the plane as boats came to the rescue. 

As it turns out, the plane was taken down by a flock of Canadian geese. There are two unmistakable conclusions that could be drawn from this. The first is that we should all go back paying attention to the flight attendants when they talk about what to do when a plane lands on water.

The second is that it's become very clear that we need to invade Canada. The list of grievances is long. Our "neighbors" to the north have tried to undermine our economy with their cheap pharmaceuticals, forcing seniors into lawless behavior as they fill up the Chrysler with cheap versions of Lipitor and Plavix that they'll sneak back across the border. They've failed to support our search for al Qaeda in Iraq. They've tried to suck us into a socialist trap by offering up their health-care scam scheme ad nauseum as a model for us self-reliant Americans to follow. 

No, thanks! With this outright attack by Canadians on an American airliner, it's clear we have no choice but to invade the Great White North and put an end to the corrupt and criminal regime in Ottawa. 

I know that may sound harsh, and I won't bore you with the IR explanations of how this is not dangerous unilateralism or some ill-advised attempt at domination of the Western Hemisphere. I'll leave that to the academics, just as I leave the smoking guns to the CIA and the FBI. I have faith they'll find them. That this is the path we must take will be made clear in the last days of the current administration. 

After that, it's on to Mexico!

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