Warning: Although this is probably the stupidest thing I've ever written, it does contain actual useful information about lactose intolerance, which you can easily find if you just scroll down and look for stuff in red. Doesn't this color arrangement look so Christmasy?
When I wake up in the morning, I'm completely okay. It's not until later in the day that I start getting the cramping pain, which feels like someone or something is squeezing my stomach hard. There's also some bloating.
Bloating? Cramps? That sounds like your monthly visitor, cowboy.
What can I say? He's great in the sack.
Hey, I know my girlfriend's just outside, but I wanted to tell you that I think you're totally hot.