Friday, December 12, 2008

That's some fu¢ked up sh|+

Any egomaniacal blogger worth their narcissistic salt* will regularly check their blog's Sitemeter stats, which are updated when people click onto their blog. I've addressed this topic before, but it's always fun to do an update. 

Lately, the biggest hits are still are on my signature post, Korea-versus-Corea. The one with the Flash Mountain pics from Disneyland is also a favorite among googlers, some of whom are actually looking for information on working at Disneyland and not boobie pics. 

All of the "world-famous posts" get some hits on a regular basis. The saga of the three-armed baby, where low-key but wonderfully insightful K-blogger Space Nakji talks about ambiguous genitalia, has led to about a dozen people ending up at Monster Island while searching for "ambiguous genitalia island." 

I'd really like to know what they're looking for, but at the same time I probably don't. 

What's also interesting is how folks get here, something that changes as new posts are added. "Thanksgiving photos" with its talk about sex pics and homemade porn, is starting to look like a promising rookie. Today, someone from Birmingham, Alabama, arrived at that post while googling "beatdown drawn sexpics" (hence the title of this post). Someone on the island of Sulawesi, in Indonesia, was looking for "sex island" (could there be such a place in the 17,508-isle Indonesian archipelago? Let us know when you find it). 

I have had a number of people arrive on Monster Island while googling simply "sex." Now, I must admit I haven't checked it out, but I'm pretty sure that Monster Island isn't even on the first page of Google's search results for sex. I'm guessing I'm buried somewhere in the high double digits. Which means that whoever it was, finding sex must be really, really important to them. My advice: Try Sex Island; it's somewhere in Indonesia. 

Someone in Omaha, Nebraska, ended up at the Thanksgiving photos post while searching for "girls in pillories." That's messed up. Messed up, as in, you should feel lucky this blog isn't a ruse set up by the FBI to nab sick fu¢ks like yourself who are searching for pictures of girls in pillories. Or, is it? Bwuhahahahahahahaha!

It's not all bad news. One of my first posts, on lactose intolerance, still gets numerous hits, including today when someone from Visalia, California, googled "lactose intolerance in Japan." Good for you! You have inspired me, anonymous Visalian, to amend that post with details of my own struggle with severe cramping and bloating caused by the inability to break down lactose into glucose and galactose: my convolutedly lengthy journey to discover the source of my ailment and symptoms is truly a homeric odyssey worthy of a "House" episode

[above: Main Street in San Joaquin Valley's Visalia, California. Most visitors to California don't know this, but outside of the Golden State's urban metropolises, California towns are mostly backwater communities where people travel around in buggies and the only entertainment is watching drunks hopped up on moonshine fight in the muddy streets in front of the local saloon. Visalia's mayor is a man named Jesus Gamboa; when he's away on business and his staff has to make decisions, they sit down and ask each other, "What would Jesus do?"]

* Narcissistic salt is NaCl. Who knew?

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