Saturday, March 21, 2009

Kim Jong-il falls into nuclear power plant cooling pond

Well, we all knew this was going to happen sooner or later.
PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA — Officials close to the North Korea Workers Party General Secretary and Chairman of the National Defense Commission are embarrassed and contrite after a disoriented Kim Jong-il nosedived into a cooling pond at Undisclosed Nuclear Power Plant #5.

The Dear Leader has lately been described as dazed and confused following a likely stroke last year, and despite phlebotomy treatments involving infusions of blood from young virgins, his thought processes and behavior have become more erratic. Kim Jong-il's handlers said the Dear Leader apparently thought the cooling pond was a giant bathtub.

"Where are the soap girls?" he asked as he waded in the chest-deep water fully clothed.

It's not clear why no one tried to stop him as he walked close to the water's edge, but one anonymous source said a culture of fear prevents anyone around Kim Jong-il from warning him against some action. "You never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever correct the Dear Leader. Ever! We all assumed there was a perfectly good reason for him getting his DearLeaderHosen™ all wet."

Added another anonymous source: "Clearly this was a test of our loyalty. Had we jumped in front of him to stop him, it would have revealed that we lack faith in our Dear Leader, which would be bad. At least that's what I think was going on, so we all passed. We'll know tomorrow for sure. Please pass this note to my wife and tell her I love her."

It is not clear why Kim Jong-il was wandering around the cooling pond to begin with.

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