Thursday, August 6, 2009

Kim Jong-il Death Pool

Aloha, Netizens! Several people have pointed out that the recent high-profile visit by a high-profile former president to North Korea is reminiscent of a high-profile visit in 1994 by a different high-profile former president (sent by the former president who was the president). 

Well, in 1994, Dear Leader Kim Il-sung left this Earth just a month later, and now people are wondering if history will repeat itself. To put it bluntly: Was Clinton's visit a swan song for Dear Leader Kim Jong-il, and will we be receiving news sometime this fall of KJI's own fall?

It's an intriguing question, especially with rumors floating about that L'il Kim is in such poor health that he may not last another year

Since last year I have warned that Kim Jong-il's rapid weight loss and deteriorated appearance is easily explained by having suffered — and survived — a major stroke. Barring a different major health issue, he may still be around for a while (and no doubt they're working frantically to facilitate that). 

But I have no reason to deny the possibility that he may be on the way out, and the Clinton visit may be the last big number. The Clinton visit, perhaps like the Carter visit, may even provide a psychological sanction to the North Korean leader himself that, well, it's okay to move on now; you've demonstrated once again the stature of North Korea on the world stage and you've shown that the great leaders of our planet will come to shake hands with you.

Of course, there is also the possibility that such a scenario requires a visit by American spiritual leader Reverend Billy Graham, one who can lay the groundwork that he who has destroyed so many lives to attain and/or maintain his position and power must now consider repentance. A deathbed conversion, hardly unfamiliar to the descendants of Protestant clergy. (Billy Graham's wife, Ruth, lived in Pyongyang as a high school student in the 1930s, a connection that may have given the good reverend some clout with the Kim dynasty.)

Or maybe Clinton, like Carter, will have presented the exalted one with a gift (say, cognac or Little Debbie™ snacks) tainted ever so undetectably with a toxin designed by CIA scientists to slowly bring about the demise of the one who ingests its contents, in a way that looks exactly like a natural cause of death. It's the CIA, so why not?

Okay, so I've written seven paragraphs of my one-paragraph introduction, so it's time to cut to the chase: If the Clinton visit is portending the quietus of the Dear Leader, when will the demise come? 

I want (1) a date, (2) an official cause of death, (3) an accepted-by-the-media cause of death, and as a bonus question that won't be factored in, (3) a successor if anyone is named within the week. 

So it's like a baby pool, only opposite. (I suppose we could also guess his weight at time of death, since that, too, has become something of speculation.)

I might treat the winner to an Egg McMuffin meal at McDonald's at some date in the future. In person if she's cute; otherwise I'll send a coupon.


  1. Only thing I've got is the accepted by the media cause of death: cirrhosis of the liver. All that Hennessy brandy he's been swilling over the years.

  2. You need to pick a date. The date is the most important thing.

  3. can i try?

    judging from his deteriorating appearance, i would give him two to three months...

    my late aunt looked better and deteriorated faster than Kim Jong-il did. But she only lasted 2 months after a stroke (breast cancer complication).

    official cause of death?

    i thought pancreatic cancer would explain it too, but since he's not suffering hair loss, some cancer-related treatment side effects, i would go for acute pancreatitis... although there's a chance of recovery there.... also his skin's not yellowing so might not be,

    then his mouth is slightly twisted (maybe trying to smile?), a mild stroke could explain that.. am i getting too complicated here?

    with his rapid weight loss,there's also a possibility that his condition is a result of a simple disease complicated by his medications if he's having some.
    so no idea... still trying to rack my brains.

    an accepted by the media cause of death?

    how about... pancreatitis, where the patient can just die suddenly in his sleep. will that be too much to ask? =P

    I might treat the winner to an Egg McMuffin meal at McDonald's at some date in the future. In person if she's cute; otherwise I'll send a coupon.

    pass. =) i like this brain teaser that you did. required me to think.

  4. the correct answer is 'never', because the general kim jong-il is the eternal vanguard of the korean people, philosopher of juche thought and defender of the korean worker's party.

  5. Shinbone wrote:
    the correct answer is 'never', because the general kim jong-il is the eternal vanguard of the korean people

    Okay, Shinbone. Just for you, I'm going to reword the question: When will the Eternal Vanguard of the Korean People shed his earthly cocoon and fly up to the sky as a beautiful butterfly forever watching over the Korean people from on high?

  6. reijene wrote:

    Oh, come on, reijene. You know this is all an elaborate ruse to buy you breakfast. wink wink


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